Who Do I Thank And How?

Following the funeral, family members take time to acknowledge those who, in various ways, offered expressions of sympathy or helped with different tasks.   Many years ago, personal letters were written in return for expressions of sympathy.  Today, in most cases, a signed Thank You Card is sufficient to say “Thanks” for flowers, Mass cards, sympathy cards, and personal services.  Computer “e-mails” are generally not the appropriate method to express your gratitude.

Thank You cards are usually sent between ten days and two weeks following the funeral.

If a more personal touch is desired a few words can be written on the Thank You card with reference to flowers, letters of condolence, or to the services that were rendered. These words make the recipient feel that one’s thanks are as personal as if they had been expressed verbally.

We hope the following suggestions will prove helpful in handling the various expressions of sympathy the family receives during bereavement.

The notes printed below in italics are examples, they may be changed to fit your situation.

To Clergy

Send a personal note thanking them for their spiritual help. If an honorarium or offering is sent it should be sent separately from the note to the clergyman.

* Dear Mr. Smith:

My husband and I thank you for the consolation you gave us during this trying time. The beauty of the services you conducted has helped us tremendously.

* Dear Father Quinn:

Thank you for the consolation you gave us and for your continuing prayers.

* Salutations vary—depending on religion, denomination, and regional preference, Protestant or Catholic.

Other possible examples:

Dear Father Smith, Dear Dr. Smith, Dear Reverend, Dear Rev. Smith, or Dear Pastor Smith.

For further examples of clergy and forms of address for others who hold official titles:

http://www.formsofaddress.info/FOA_home.html